explain this

sometimes i want the ground to swallow me up, bury me deep because i’m done living. i’m done pretending i was fine, that i’m not feeling this loneliness that leaves my chest aching and gaping. this loneliness that leaves me stunned as i try to fill the hole back up. as i try to find someone who could measure up to you. as i try to ignore the truth because the truth is i’ve been setting myself up for failure all along because i won’t love anyone the way i do you

i hate myself and my life on a daily basis. 

HenHae - Shed This Skin - drabble

Henry pressed a kiss to Aiden’s neck, soft and sweet while Aiden shook underneath him. Henry liked this - loved this, watching Aiden trying not to lose control underneath him. Trying not to show how a few kisses didn’t affect him. Henry trailed to his chest and gave a particular slow lick on his nipples and Aiden tried to stop his moan by biting his lip.

Henry will remember this. He will cherish this, because Aiden wants kids and a wife. He wants a typical picture-perfect family that Henry will never be part of. He will go back to South Korea, and will go back to being Donghae, and not his Aiden - his Aiden who loved him, who held him when the stress was too much, his Aiden - and he will be the Donghae that will deny anything ever happened between them, because in Korea, it’s a subject that you should not speak of. It was simply not socially acceptable.

And so Henry kissed Aiden thoroughly, hoping that he could imprint everything about him on his brain, because he didn’t want to forget, ever. Even if Aiden will shed his skin and become Donghae once again, leaving Henry to compare every person he ever met to him.

she didn’t know how to word them, these feelings. the feelings of a suffocating love that was so painful it kills her inside. she keeps thinking of him. everyday. and wonders if she ever crosses his mind. if he ever stops and thinks if she is okay like she does. she does. everyday. she wonders if he is eating right. wonders if he’s happy or if he is happier than he ever was with her. 

it’s so hard. so painful, loving someone that will never love you they way you do towards them.

it’s hard.

there’s something really sexy with the way he’s staring so intensely at the paper. Might be the way he furrowed his eyebrows or the way he pursed his lips. it kind of made her hot, thinking about how intense he would be in bed. how he’ll make her moan and beg, teasing her, barely touching her.

she didn’t know him. he was the ‘random hot stranger’ that she saw at the library quite often. he always sat on the same seat, all alone. she wondered why. but then again he never really saw him smiling. but who would smile alone in a library anyway.

seriously though, the way he’s biting that pencil was distracting her from her assignment. Such a nice pair of pink lips. and really sexy jawline.

she sighed and wondered what to do with all this sexual frustrations. she moved her attention to her laptop where the screen displayed microsoft word and her three page essay. technically, she cheated with using the 2.0 spacing between the lines, but who cares. She then realized that the perfect distraction from both schoolwork and sexual frustrations was only a few clicks away. She bit her lip, contemplating. she saw no future additions to her essay, since she pretty much used up all of the facts that she had and she ran out of ideas to bullshit for another three pages. but then she noticed the hot guy rolling his neck and stretching his arms oh my fucking god fucking sexy jawline and arms she decided everything was a lost cause and closed her laptop, gathered her books and decided to just get off with her vibrator in her apartment. hopefully her roommate would be out.